World of – What Did He Just Say?

Barrens chat. You know what I’m talking about: the senseless, useless, “did-he-just-say-that-?” crap chat you’re entitled to endure while leveling (or casually flying by on your way to, say, Thousand Needles) that lures you in like the hopeful promise of casual sex at a keg party: you might not get anything out of it, but it’s worth participating – right? Bingo!

So I’m flying from Ogrimmar to Thunderbluff, packing a few elite boss mob heads in a pretty purple satchel on my back when, like a rocketing baseball to an unsuspecting bird, my eyes are creamed by some jerk screaming “WOMEN ARE ONLY GOOD FOR ORAL SEX AND GRILLIN BBQ WINGS!” in general chat.

Now, if I’d have had control of the Wyvern, I would have thrown my heels to the floor and kicked up smoke like the Flinstones on an episode of Miami Vice. Unfortunately, I was only able to holler out “YOU HAS NO SECKS! ” before crossing into Mulgore. Oh, well! I thought. It’s Barrens chat. Free Saturday Night Live entertainment and he obviously couldn’t score a hooker with a stack of hundreds in his pocket.

So I get a whisper from the bean-head himself. Yes, that’s his name: Beanhead. It’s like “pin head” but in disguise. His message? “I have plenty of sex, asshole.”

Flabbergasted, I responded, “No wonder the ducks are going extinct.”

Beanhead: “wha?”

Feilynn: /ignore

Barrens chat is like an ongoing experiment in evolution. In the great name of Arthas himself, will this zone ever level itself past the age of 12 where communication is concerned? Sadly, my friends, that answer is nope. Nuh-uh. A big, fat, scathing, scarlet-red NO in the face of conversational justice.

Here’s why (according to Feilynn): almost everyone participating in Barrens chat has leveled a character to the late teens/early twenties. This is the point where the game begins to introduce real challenges and anyone with an IQ under 37 or an attention span akin to a ferret separate themselves from the would-be 70’s and the never-gonna-get-through-RFK morons who spam chat with random nonsense.

In quieter terms, we’re screwed. The smart go-getter, raid-hitting, Illidan-downing success stories of the World of Warcraft are henceforth reduced to the idiosyncrasies that are and always will be, Barrens chat. Amen.

Alas! Before I leave you, I remind you of the silver lining in this cloud of moldy shrapnel: sometimes, the offensive comments and brainless responses are as humorous as they are noneducational. So if you’re bored, head on over to the Barrens and take part in what has now become a staple of Warcraft entertainment.

However, if you prefer to save your brain cells and enhance your learning experience, you can completely end the nonsensical interruptions of these radical sapiens by entering a simple command: /leave 1.

Best to you.