Spooncraft

Welcome to the first installment of Remember When? where me and my compatriots will openly share our constant bitching about the little things in WoW that everybody gripes about sometime. In today’s adaptation (I say adaptation because it’s me copying guild chat from screenshots) I explore in very colorful language the subject of leveling.

The idea spawned when I thought of a cousin of mine who has played this game since release and can’t seem to ever play his own damn account. See he hates leveling, says it bores him to tears. I understand having to redo Lv. 1-70 over again and wanting to kill yourself but in the current state of things, it’s really not that bad. Stop being so fucking lazy people.

Spooner: Remember when leveling used to be hard and actually took some time? I mean seriously, this is ridiculous.

Nessaja: LOL let us BASK in this GLORIOUS festival.

S: Leveling, fuck. Back in our day we had 1 quest for the fire festival and it sucked. We had to march on every major capital city to steal some fire, the only reward was the same hokey glowing ring halo helmet, and if you were a bad enough dude to go into obscure pain in the ass instances to find fires hidden in there you might get the tiny red speck non-combat pet. More crap to fill up a bank. The fondue pot shoulders are an especially rewarding piece of junk. But all that aside the real screw here is we can BUY it now for flowers.

N: LOL

S: Shit today you stamp out an enemy fire that isn’t even guarded by NPCs and you get 5000 exp. Honor one of your own fires for 2500 exp. You can get around 7k for stealing the capitol city fires and on top of it 25 flowers, a bunch of buff food, and gold. Hell if you get all 4 then you still get that helm. You too can get all this FREE AND EASY exp + blossoms for your very own flaming pocket hooker to dance for you every 3 minutes.

N: YES. Back when we were leveling it took MONTHS if you didn’t feel like grinding out that last chunk of exp in between work. Leveling an alt through the 30’s and 40’s was SUICIDE on our servers. PVP of course.

S: IF I feel like tossing a flower into the fire then I get a buff that gives me glorified retribution aura that can crit, 3& boosted all purpose crit chance, and if there fire is burning anyway you get a chance to proc some truly insane fire damage based on your level bracket. Leveling this protection paladin is just insane right now; I can fight off 8 mobs my level, a rogue and a warrior at the same damn time without breaking a sweat since they pretty much kill themselves for me.

N: Oh and the pole dancing. Blizzard endorsing shaking your ass around a flaming pole for a 10% exp gain buff that can last an hour. Way to support single moms Blizz.

S: Oh jesus I forgot about that. But even without the fire festival I turn in green quests for about 4350exp a shot and god forbid it’s the end of some major chain it’ll hook me up with at least 6000-7000 exp. I’ve been Lv. 43 for about 1 hour, 23 minutes and I’m already a few bubbles from hitting 44. Before that would have been an all day thing.

N: You did your fire dailies?

S: Bout 6k exp for those combined and it’s a no brainer.

N: Kids these days.

S: For real, I don’t stand for anybody complaining about how long it takes to level, or that the next 10 levels in Northrend are a pain in the ass. Fucking lazy ass generation I swear.

N: Agreed.